Into the Dirt

Crying out

But no one hears me

Calling out

But no one cares about me

I'm fading away

Into the background

I can not stay

I can't hold my ground

Everyone just wants to bury me

Deep down in the dirt

But no one wants to see

Just how much I hurt

They mock and jeer

They beat and bruise

I shed these tears

And I've got nothing to lose

Finish me off

End my pain

Cut me off

Call me insane

Just end the hurt

Throw me away

Push me into the dirt

And there I will stay

Black Bird, by Landon Nethercott

Black bird black bird

Sitting in a tree

Black bird black bird

Looking down at me

Black bird black bird

Today you look so quaint

Black bird black bird

Have I come too late?

Black bird black bird

Sing your pretty song

Black bird black bird

Let me sing along

Black bird black bird

Whistle out your tune

Black bird black bird

Whistle to the moon

Black bird black bird

Up in the midnight sky

Black bird black bird

Tonight is when I die

Black bird black bird

The last thing I shall see

Black bird black bird

Blackened I will be

Black bird black bird

Feathers dark as ash

Black bird black bird

My life ends in a flash

Ash bird ash bird

Sing your sorrow song

Ash bird ash bird

I will sing along

Sing your sorrow song

Sing it out for me

And I will sing along

For ashes I shall be

Tell me, ash bird ash bird

How marvelous it will be

Pretty ash bird ash bird

When I am finally free

Picture credit to: http://www.wta.org/go-hiking/seasonal-hikes/fall-destinations/haunted-hikes

Lonely

Lonely beyond belief

No one cares to listen

Impossible to find relief

By my demons I've been bitten

They say I want attention

They just don't understand

That in eternal detention

My heart is left to stand

They say it's all an act

That I'm putting on a show

Why must they brutally attack?

Why not cast the final blow?

Just pierce my wounded heart

Stab it one last time

Rip my soul apart

And complete your heinous crime

Written by, Ginger Monk

Dominus Vobiscum

Photo credited to: http://femmefiles.com/2011/09/y-are-we-lonely/

One by One

Hell has found me late this night

And I can't seem to see

How everything will be alright

When no one hears my plea

He asks if I'm ok

I sigh and shake my head

He nods and looks away

I sit and stare ahead

One member left our side

For a different destiny

She gave in to her pride

And let go of family

One other lives away

Refuses to even speak

To those who all dismay

At his absence this past week

Another is now in pain

Lying in a hospital bed

What left is there to gain

When he wishes to be dead?

One by one they're falling

And there's nothing I can do

Instead I sit here calling

Praying I won't fall too

Dominus Vobiscum,

Ginger Monk

Judgement

They're all abandoning me

Casting me aside

This is how it has to be

No longer are we allied

They say that I am wrong

That I'm sadly mistaken

While by the siren song

Of the world they have been taken

They say they've had enough

They're fine right where they are

Won't call the Devil's bluff

That their souls can not be scarred

One day we'll all face judgement

He'll judge us all the same

But in that dreadful moment

He'll suffer me no blame

Photo Credited to, https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:The_Last_Judgement._Jean_Cousin..jpg

Silence

How often do we take a moment to genuinely appreciate silence? To most people, it tends to be uncomfortable, awkward, or even frightening. Why is this? We so often find ourselves needing to turn on the tv, or music, or some other source of sound so as to not have to wade in the treacherous water that is silence. What makes silence so uncomfortable for us? We live in a world that is so full of noise that one would think it would be a relief, but no. We've become so consumed by the world as a society that we no longer recognize the value of silence. 

Instead of looking at silence as uncomfortable or frightening, try to recognize the peace that can come with it if you just do a little digging to find it. Silence is a treasure. A treasure worth more than you can realize. Just take a moment, go to your room, shut the door, and do your best to cast away all stressful thoughts, and if you can't, then place them before God. Give them to Him and then take a step back and just listen. Let your mind open and open your senses to God. When God told Elijah to exit the cave when he heard Him call him, he did not come out at the loud noises that God sent, but only when he heard a soft whisper (1 Kings 19:11-13). Therefore, how can we expect to hear God when he calls if we are never in a surrounding quiet enough to hear the tiniest whispers of His voice? 

Again I say to you, silence is a treasure, and it is to be seen as such and guarded as such. 

Dominus Vobiscum,

Ginger Monk.

Picture credited to, http://shereadstruth.com/2012/08/24/day-17-proverbs-17/

Late Night Thoughts

Do you ever just lay in your bed and think? If not, then you should try it.

It's a quarter to 3 here, and, for whatever reason, I just don't want to sleep. I'm just laying here thinking. I feel like my deepest thoughts always come to me at night. Maybe it's because of the lack of noise around me besides the Gregorian chant I have playing (Which can't really be classified as noise since it's so peaceful and soothing), or maybe they just seem deep because I'm super tired and my brain is a little worn out from the day. Either way, my thoughts always tend to be a little more interesting at night.

They tend to vary quite a bit, my thoughts. From the origins of the universe to how I have a crush on a girl but can't do anything about it because I feel like God is calling me to be a celibate monk. 

I almost feel like just laying here thinking is better than sleep. It almost seems to recharge my metaphorical batteries better since I've never been a fan of waking up from a night's sleep and tend to feel dreadful in the morning. 

This is probably one of the only ways you could tell that I'm an introvert by nature. I've got a group of friends at my church who refused to believe that I was an introvert on account of how crazy I can get when I'm with other people. This actually happens to be a trait of my personality type (INFP or Healer-Idealist). 

I'm definitely more of a night person than a morning person. Part of me kind of wishes that I could just stay awake at night and sleep during the day. I'm already half doing that since it's summer vacation and I'm now able to sleep in until around 11 every day of the week besides Sunday (A welcomed change from the previous going to bed at 2 and waking up at 6:30 every day except Saturday during the school year).

I always seem to make grand plans for my mornings. It's usually along the lines of wake up early, get ready for the day, say my morning prayers and maybe add a rosary in, make a nice breakfast, etc. etc., but then I wake up and think, "I was up until 3 last night and I feel like I'm going to die. there's no way I can do this today..." and I go back to sleep. Then I wake up later and feel totally guilty and resolve to do all that stuff tomorrow, and the cycle repeats continuously.

I just realized that if I were at the monastery where I'm planning to spend the rest of my life after high school right now, I'd already be awake for the day. The Benedictine Monks of Our Lady of Guadalupe Monastery in New Mexico rise every morning at 3:10 and I haven't even gone to bed yet... I can't be completely certain, but there may just be something seriously wrong with that.

I've tried going to bed early, but I don't like it. Being the only one awake late at night is the only time when I feel like I can be truly alone with my thoughts and prayers. It's almost like it's a necessity to me. Like if there's even one other person awake with me in the same house, even if we're in completely different rooms, then I'm not really alone. It's almost like the presence of another active mind makes mine afraid that it might be interrupted. In a way, I suppose that's true. I really hate when I'm in the middle of really deep thought and somebody suddenly comes into the room and starts talking to me or tells me to do something. It's not like it's their fault. I mean, they didn't know. It just aggravates me. 

The only living thing in my house that I like to be with me at night is my dog. I mean, I can tolerate the two goldfish in my room, but that's because I never really notice them. My dog is a different story though. He's my favorite pet out of any that my family has ever owned and he's one of my best friends. Since the majority of my friends live at least a half an hour away from me, he's good to have around. He never complains about anything (Besides when I've slept too long and he really really has to go pee), he follows me around almost everywhere I go, and he's always making me laugh. A loyal companion like this is truly difficult to find.

Well, I should probably go to bed now. Have a lovely day/evening/night/afternoon or whatever time of day you're in, and Dominus Vobiscum.

Silent Tears

Silent tears run down her face

All the pain she can't erase

Holding on to all this loss

Too heavy for her to bear the cross

She weeps for what she must go through

She weeps for what she has to do

She can't release the pain inside

She won't forget the one who died

She knows it's time to say goodbye

She lets out one more tortured sigh

They lower the body beneath the ground

As she weeps aloud without a sound

Written by, Ginger Monk

Inspired by, my Aunt Sarah

Dominus Vobiscum

Yes, I am a Ginger

Yes, I am a ginger

I have been known to linger

Out of the sun's bright rays

And in the dark for days

I just might steal your soul

And place it in a bowl

It could be ripe and tasty

Or gross and super pasty

A freckle for each soul

I've eaten from my bowl

Pale skin upon my body

But freckles make it dotty

My eyes are pale and green

Like none you've ever seen

I stare into your eyes

You stare back in stunned surprise

Ten minutes, not a blink

Your heart begins to sink

I'm staring at your soul

It's ruined, black as coal

I finally look away

But much to your dismay

You feel an empty hole

For I just stole your soul 

Written by, Ginger Monk

Dominus Vobiscum and have a lovely day

Photo credited to, http://m.quickmeme.com/meme/3qthnz/

Cruel Tumult

Blackened skies

Tear filled eyes

All because

Of people's lies

Hearts of stone

Broken bones

Calloused because

We're always alone

Our demons are watching

Our hearts are stopping

And all our hopes

Are slowly dropping

But don't complain

It's all your fault

You caused this pain

This cruel tumult

Written by, Ginger Monk

Photo credited to, http://sonicsyndrome.deviantart.com/art/Blackened-Sky-196926027

Mercy

Now I lay me down to sleep

I beg my angel not to weep

I know that I've been wretched today

I know that my evils will make me pay

The devil has a hold on me

So much that I no longer see

He's always there, he calls my name

He makes me put myself to shame

I listen to his empty lies

All the while my angel cries

Angel of God, my guardian dear

I implore you to take me away from here

Guard me Jesus in my fight

Against the forces of the night

And if the devil conquers me

I beg the Lord to show mercy

Written by, Ginger Monk

The Devil Inside

My beautiful disaster

My lovely affliction

Soul like alabaster

But with a hidden addiction

Why must you speak one way

But act in another?

How you act and what you say

Don't mirror each other

Can't you withhold

Your hidden desire

Instead of being so cold

Living life as a liar?

Pulchritudinous creature

Sweet young disease

You act as a preacher

But it's the devil you please

You can't hide this forever

In the end you will lose

You won't fulfill your endeavor

So now you must choose

Either shed your sweet skin

Your camouflaged hide

Or remove what's within

The devil inside

Written by, Ginger Monk

Dominus Vobiscum

Photo credited to, http://narsbusiness.com/2013/02/25/are-you-a-liar/

Fly Away

Run far far away, my love

Fly far far away, my dove

Search for a place of heav'nly solace

Away from this hell so lost and lawless

Fly home to your hidden haven

Fly straight through the fog my raven

You don't belong here in this place

But after you the world will chase

Fly away from all the pain

'Till in heaven we meet again

Weep no more, my dearest child

Fly from the Earth, so dark and wild

Return to me at heaven's gate

No longer is it your time to wait

Written by, Ginger Monk

Dominus Vobiscum

I'm an Odd Guy

People who know me tend to know that I'm a bit different. Some people think it's delightful and think I'm fun to be around. Others, like my older brother, think it makes me annoying, but I'm not just odd in my mannerisms, but I'm weird physically. I'm pretty sure I received just about every recessive gene I could've possibly gotten from my parents.
1. I'm allergic to milk.
It's really not as bad as people think. I grew up without being able to have it, so I don't often care. I had a kid tell me that he'd kill himself if he couldn't have chocolate milk. For one, that's a tad excessive, and two, rice milk tastes a lot better than regular milk anyway (I tried a glass of cow's milk once and I thought it was gross. The stomach issues later on weren't pleasant either...). My one weakness are Cheese-Its. I made the mistake of trying a few and I realized that they are incredibly delicious and now I'm always tempted to eat them whenever they're around. I always have to debate on whether the pain will be worth it later on.
2. I was born with eleven fingers.
Now, before you ask, I don't have it still. It was just a flap of skin with a finger nail on it, but it's still pretty cool. I still have a nub where it used to be, but I don't tend to think about it. I can technically say I've had an amputation too.
3. I'm a ginger.
Only one of my parents is red headed, and I'm the only child out of six to have full on red hair. My little sister is strawberry blonde, but that's as close as anyone comes. I often get told that I don't have a soul. It's especially ironic when Atheists tell me this since they don't believe anyone has a soul. All I can say is that if I didn't have a soul, then I wouldn't be planning on becoming a Benedictine monk in the next two years, and if I don't have a soul, then that doesn't mean that I can't care about the people who do.
4. I have green eyes that fluctuate between shades.
Neither of my parents have green eyes and all of my siblings have blue (The same as each of my parents). I've had people look into my eyes and say it was like I was staring into their soul (Probably because of the hair as well). I've had people compliment me on my eyes and get freaked out when they looked at them. One time I looked in the mirror and they were solid grey. I got a little freaked out by that.
5. I'm left handed.
Only one in ten people are left handed and both of my parents are right handed. This always comes in handy when playing tennis for my school because half way through the set, the other doubles team will be like, "Oh! He's left handed!" and realize why I'm always hitting forehands.

That concludes a brief summary of my weirdness. Have a lovely day.
Dominus Vobiscum,
Ginger Monk

An update to this post, I have now discovered that I more than likely have Tourette syndrome. It just keeps on adding up.

If Death Found You

I dreamed I died

Late last night

I dreamed you cried

Upon the sight

Tell me, would you cry

Upon my death?

Would you sigh

With my last breath?

Tell me, would you scream

And hurt and fuss?

Would you dream,

And dream of us?

Would you weep

As they lowered me down

Way down deep

Beneath the ground

I ask you this

For I wish you knew

I'd do all this

If death found you

By, Ginger Monk

Dominus Vobiscum

I Hate Math

I really truly hate this math

This absurd arithmetic

You may as well drop me in a bath

Filled with lice and flees and tics

They make me do all kinds of things

Like add, subtract, divide

They say that it's the class of kings

But it's a thorn deep in my side

I really truly hate this class

This berserk, psychotic hell

I'll bet you I won't even pass

I certainly won't do well...

Written by, Ginger Monk

Dominus Vobiscum, and have a lovely day

Photo Credited to, http://gallery.mobile9.com/f/2992459/

Pet Peaves

Alright, we all have things that we can't stand and drive us absolutely crazy. It's just a part of life and part of who we are as people. This is a list of the top 5 things that drive me absolutely crazy. They aren't really in any specific order.
1. Poor spelling and grammar.
Ok, I'm not a grammar expert, but at least I know the basics. If you don't know the difference between things like to, too and two, or there, their and they're, then you should probably get some help. Apostrophes are ridiculous as well. Why does no one know how to properly use an apostrophe? It's nuts.
2. When people say they don't read books.
You may as well be labeling yourself as an idiot. There are so many different book genres out there that I don't see how it's possible to get away with saying that books are boring. Sorry to any of you reading this who fall under this category, but seriously, you could find a book you like if you'd try.
3. Poor table manners.
If you're one of those people who eats like Mr.Fox and ends up getting crumbs everywhere, spills their drink at least once and ends up with stains all over their shirt, then please, for the sake of those dining with you, get some lessons on etiquette. It's just really gross and unbecoming when someone doesn't know how to eat in an organized, civilized manner.
4. When people obsess over celebrities.
So, you don't know this person, they don't know you even exist, they probably don't even care, but you are apparently "in love" with them... This is very prevalent in people who fall under the categories of "Beliebers" and those with the "1 Direction Infection." Seriously, the odds of you marrying any of them is less than the odds of winning the Power Ball Lottery.
5. When people get mad at or make fun of people with special needs.
Seriously, is your own self-esteem so low that you have to pick on someone who can't help the way they are? If someone is born with a disability, then they can't help it. It's not their fault. Grow some compassion in that calloused heart of stone and BE NICE!

That concludes my list of of pet peaves. What are yours? Leave them in the comments and feel free to check out the rest of my blog.
Dominus Vobiscum,
Ginger Monk

Paranoid

I don't like mirrors. Mirrors, in all honesty, make me nervous. Like something is going to suddenly appear behind me if I look away for even a second and look back. When I was in elementary school, I was always afraid that something might actually come out of the mirror and try to kill me like the story of Bloody Mary. A fellow classmate told me that tale in 1st grade and I didn't sleep properly for months. Any time I went to bed, I had to wrap the blanket completely around my head and tuck it in tightly around my body because, for whatever reason, it made me feel safer. Like the ghosts would appear and be like, "Aww, crap. He's wrapped up in a blanket..." I was scared to even go into the bathroom alone, so I would bring my dachshund in with me. I already had a severe fear of the dark, and this just added to it. Thanks for nothing, Chancey (Yes, I had a classmate named Chancey, and he was a GUY...) .
To this day, almost any time I go into the bathroom, I look behind the shower curtain for a serial killer or something of the like. I still have no idea what I'd do if I ever found one. Maybe scream and do my best to open the door I'd just locked behind myself as fast as I can before he/she/it pounces on me and slits my throat? I don't know. That's the best plan I've got. There's really nothing lethal within reach of the shower in my bathroom besides the toiled plunger, which besides being extremely germy and disgusting, isn't really a weapon.
Then there's the problem that I tend to leave the shower curtain pulled away from the wall a little bit so that you can see into the shower through a sliver of open space, and my mirror is perfectly placed so that the open space is right in my peripheral vision if I'm looking at myself in the mirror. I always have to keep flicking my eyes over to the crack to make sure some creepy dude with a big, crooked toothed grin like Fred from the Freaky Fred episode of Courage the Cowardly Dog isn't staring maliciously through it at me.
I guess I'm just a super paranoid person when it comes down to it. Do you have a similar situation? Leave a comment and let me know.
Dominus Vobiscum, Ginger Monk

P.S.-This is Fred. May he haunt your dreams forever.

Photo Credited to, http://courage.wikia.com/wiki/Fred

Insomniac

I don't really understand how people sleep at night... Lately, I haven't been able to get to bed until around 1 or 2 in the morning, and sometimes later. Could it be that I've become such a hardcore procrastinator that I even put off sleeping, one of my favorite activities, until the last minute? Seriously, is that possible?
Maybe it's because I don't want to go to the soul sucking hell that is my high school that I know I have to attend in the morning. Between pre-calculus and the number of people openly bashing and mocking my faith, I've just about had it. I get a lot of weird looks when someone uses God's name in vain and I openly make the sign of the cross when I hear it, and any time I look at my pre-calc assignments I can't help but see Gandalf in my head yelling, "You shall not pass!"
Maybe I'm just mutating into a night dweller and I'll end up sleeping during the day and roaming around the streets at night. The sun is quite harmful to me. I am a ginger after all...
It's annoying because even when I'm fighting to stay awake and my eyelids are getting heavy and I'm almost nodding to sleep every 2 seconds, if it isn't past midnight, I find some way to stay awake a while longer.
Well, whatever it is, it's killing me since I'm 16 years old and needing to wake up at 6:30 every day (Including Sundays). The most I get to sleep in anymore is like 7:30 or 8 on Saturdays.
Sorry if I sound like a pretentious, snobby teenager. I just really like to sleep and I can't seem to do that anymore. Any help on how to force myself into bed at a decent time would be lovely.
Dominus Vobiscum,
Ginger Monk

Can They?

Can they?, by Landon Nethercott

Can the dead speak?

Can the hopeless rise?

Can the souls of the abused

Ever surpass the lies?

Can they raise their voices high?

Shouting out, "ENOUGH!"

Can they release their held back cry

And break their binding cuff?

Can they stand up to their torturers?

Can they break their tearful silence?

Can they testify to their jurors?

Can they sound their unused sirens?

They must if they are to survive

Or they will soon descend

If not then they will be deprived

Until eternities end

Written by, Ginger Monk.

Let me know what you think in the comments.

Photo credited to, 

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/tehranbureau/2010/12/the-iran-34-journalists-in-jail.html

Wish Upon a Star, My Love

Wish upon a star, my love

Wish upon a star above

Perched upon your window sill

The moon so bright, the night so still

Wish for the pain to go away

Wish for the end of your dismay

Staring out into the night

Waiting for the morning light

Wait no more, for I am here

I'll be your angel guardian dear

I'll wipe your tears and hold you tight

And stand to guard you through the night

So wish upon a star, my love

Wish upon a star above

Perched upon your window sill

The moon so bright, the night so still

Written by, Ginger Monk

Let me know what you think in the comments

Photo credited to, http://stupiakboy.blogspot.com/2012/07/tear-to-shed-night-to-spare.html