Do you ever just lay in your bed and think? If not, then you should try it.
It's a quarter to 3 here, and, for whatever reason, I just don't want to sleep. I'm just laying here thinking. I feel like my deepest thoughts always come to me at night. Maybe it's because of the lack of noise around me besides the Gregorian chant I have playing (Which can't really be classified as noise since it's so peaceful and soothing), or maybe they just seem deep because I'm super tired and my brain is a little worn out from the day. Either way, my thoughts always tend to be a little more interesting at night.
They tend to vary quite a bit, my thoughts. From the origins of the universe to how I have a crush on a girl but can't do anything about it because I feel like God is calling me to be a celibate monk.
I almost feel like just laying here thinking is better than sleep. It almost seems to recharge my metaphorical batteries better since I've never been a fan of waking up from a night's sleep and tend to feel dreadful in the morning.
This is probably one of the only ways you could tell that I'm an introvert by nature. I've got a group of friends at my church who refused to believe that I was an introvert on account of how crazy I can get when I'm with other people. This actually happens to be a trait of my personality type (INFP or Healer-Idealist).
I'm definitely more of a night person than a morning person. Part of me kind of wishes that I could just stay awake at night and sleep during the day. I'm already half doing that since it's summer vacation and I'm now able to sleep in until around 11 every day of the week besides Sunday (A welcomed change from the previous going to bed at 2 and waking up at 6:30 every day except Saturday during the school year).
I always seem to make grand plans for my mornings. It's usually along the lines of wake up early, get ready for the day, say my morning prayers and maybe add a rosary in, make a nice breakfast, etc. etc., but then I wake up and think, "I was up until 3 last night and I feel like I'm going to die. there's no way I can do this today..." and I go back to sleep. Then I wake up later and feel totally guilty and resolve to do all that stuff tomorrow, and the cycle repeats continuously.
I just realized that if I were at the monastery where I'm planning to spend the rest of my life after high school right now, I'd already be awake for the day. The Benedictine Monks of Our Lady of Guadalupe Monastery in New Mexico rise every morning at 3:10 and I haven't even gone to bed yet... I can't be completely certain, but there may just be something seriously wrong with that.
I've tried going to bed early, but I don't like it. Being the only one awake late at night is the only time when I feel like I can be truly alone with my thoughts and prayers. It's almost like it's a necessity to me. Like if there's even one other person awake with me in the same house, even if we're in completely different rooms, then I'm not really alone. It's almost like the presence of another active mind makes mine afraid that it might be interrupted. In a way, I suppose that's true. I really hate when I'm in the middle of really deep thought and somebody suddenly comes into the room and starts talking to me or tells me to do something. It's not like it's their fault. I mean, they didn't know. It just aggravates me.
The only living thing in my house that I like to be with me at night is my dog. I mean, I can tolerate the two goldfish in my room, but that's because I never really notice them. My dog is a different story though. He's my favorite pet out of any that my family has ever owned and he's one of my best friends. Since the majority of my friends live at least a half an hour away from me, he's good to have around. He never complains about anything (Besides when I've slept too long and he really really has to go pee), he follows me around almost everywhere I go, and he's always making me laugh. A loyal companion like this is truly difficult to find.
Well, I should probably go to bed now. Have a lovely day/evening/night/afternoon or whatever time of day you're in, and Dominus Vobiscum.
